February 14, 2021: I am raising my son to be a total Heartthrob or the ultimate Mr Charming of the future. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not raising him to be like Giacomo Casanova of 18th Century. But I am raising him to be a man of the future who the girls of the future will find charming in the most practical sense, a man of dreams of the GenZ or Genδ Woman. Before you conclude your judgement of me as the crazy mother, let me roll back a bit and go to where this theory started.
Origin and theory of Mr Charming
My grandfather was a good man, a high-ranking government official, who as per the prevailing social fabric of those times had a large family.
He not only had a number of kids but also was playing the father’s role to his younger brothers, sisters, cousins, nephews and so on. At any given time, there would be at least 15-20 people in the house. They were all either studying, working or just visiting.
So how was my grandmother handling? Even though there were few orderlies working for them but as lady of the house she was expected to cook for the family.
So, my grandmother would spend all her time in the kitchen cooking large batches of food. My grandfather would be busy with work in office and at home would either entertain a colleague, friend or prefer speaking with his brothers etc. So, interaction with his wife was restricted to a few words in the entire day.
Same was with my mother-In-Law, she says that my Father-in-Law started speaking with her as his life partner in true sense when all their children left home to study or work in other cities. Imagine you wait till you are middle-aged to speak with your husband, as to how was his day or for him to know what happened at home. But then that was the norm of the society those days.
Men and the necessity of Mr Charming
The men were expected not to interact much in the house forget helping around the house. Consulting with your wife publicly was also considered very un-manly. I have also heard that my Grandfather would confuse with the name of his kids when they were very small.
That can be attributed to the minimal interaction at home, coupled by the fact that the kids had very less age gap amongst themselves, so they all looked of same age. Additionally, the families were joint families so throw in a couple of nephew and nieces and anyone would get confused.
Changes come with generations
Then came the generation of my father and uncles. They all had two or three kids and their wives did not have to wait till mid-life to interact freely/confidently with their husbands.
ut I remember my father being confused about which class me or my brother were studying especially between class I- IX even though the interaction was much more. He also hardly ever went to meet my teachers. My mother would manage all that.
At home he would either work or relax after work but did not have any active responsibility.
When I spoke with my friends later about this experience, found out that most fathers of that era were like that. Most of them confused about the kid’s class and may or may not have made even a cup of tea for themselves.
Mr Charmings now
My generation has evolved some more and the men in our lives do not object the freedom given to us to pursue our careers, are more hands-on and more tolerant.
So outside they are equal partners but inside home the labour distribution is still unequal.
My husband for example doesn’t complain if he finds any job inside the house not done and is rather quite adjusting. But at the same time doesn’t feel obliged/responsible to finish the same work. Same is with most husbands of my friends and relatives.
Ladies, come to imagine what if we had to live in a society where the ways of men were still like that of the old ages. How unacceptable that would look now or even more pragmatic, would you really want to set up a home with such a man in current scenario?
Even though we find men increasingly contributing more inside the house but still a huge gap remains to be bridged.
Our kids’ generation will be still more evolved in their thoughts and more sensible towards concept of gender equality.
Mr Charming of Future generations
So, while I am training my daughter to be self-sufficient and independent in every way, setting her regulator to be able to change her car’s tyre with as much ease as she should be able to cook. Or she should be able to paint the walls of her house with same ease at which she can change her kid’s nappies, I am also training my son to be the Mr Charming of Future generation.
Because I feel the women of future will not get charmed by a Giacomo Casanova or a James Bond but by a guy so confident in his masculinity that he can take care of a baby with as much ease as driving a super bike or help his wife with laundry with as much willingness as he would to fix up an electrical glitch.
So, as a mother it is my duty to prepare both my children to tackle the future challenges. I imagine my son as a good-looking man (which he can thank his father’s genes for), successful (a mother’s wish), being able to whip out an excellent meals 3-4 days a week, take care of the house with as much ease as he fixes his bikes or drives a fast car (his life partner’s wish) and lead a Happy life. Now who wouldn’t want to be with such a guy…
So, as I am a believer of training them young both by my son and daughter 7 years and 6 years respectively, lay the table for dinner, sometimes clean articles in the house despite us having 24 hours house help. My son helps me make bed in the morning, just as my daughter helps me in gardening.
I feel as the roles being played by both men and women, inside and outside the house have started becoming less defined and in future probably there will be no delineation. A household based out of equal partnership, mutual respect and willingness to help each other will be common. The future generation will be confident in their own gender to not push one another, Male chauvinism and Feminism will be a thing of the past and rather a society of equals will prevail.
While we are focusing too much on making our daughters independent and balancing work and life, we are skipping out on making our sons independent too, which means skilled both inside and outside the house.
So, I say train your sons to be the real heartthrob of the future by making them independent both inside and outside the house because the woman of future will look for a man like that, if at all they look out for a man…
So, while I am teaching my daughter to be an allrounder, I am also teaching my son to be the ultimate Mr. Charming.