February 7, 2021: ‘Alas! I will miss those little moments when I could get a sneak peek at you, hiding behind the walls with heartbeat thudding when you walked up the alley.’ Love and longing made a place in Renee’s heart and that was exactly how Rene felt when she came to know that the love of her life (the crush maturing to a more stable relationship) was moving to another part of the world on professional grounds.
Rene could not go with him as she had storms to face staying back in the city of joy amidst an ocean of loneliness.
Rene had amazing friends to fall back upon, a wonderful workplace and that is what kept her going amidst all the challenges in her life.
She knew well that it was not her fight alone, but everyone in this world faces their own platter of obstacles in their own way.
Yet to embrace one’s own loss and disappointments is a hard and the journey to do so is never-ending.
Every moment is suffocating and it is through these fulfilling yet hard moments of our life that we have to make up for the ruffled patches.
Love and longing in the city
Rene had met Vikram last in 2019 December when he visited the city for a family wedding.
He was based in a different city due to the job he was doing. Little did Rene know that in a matter of another two months or so, COVID would hit the world and throw up multiple challenges for human mankind. No one knew as a matter of fact.
No one was prepared and as the pandemic crept in. Every human faced the biggest uncertainty in their lives.
No matter how much we admit of the uncertainties in life, yet, everyone in some corner of their mind seek to have a smooth journey.
Rene could not move out of the city to join Vikram and had to stay back while her fiancée flew to the US in February 2020 to join an organization that operated from there.
She was sincerely happy that Vikram got his dream job but at the same time felt sad because she didn’t know if they would ever meet again or ever have a life together.
Uncertainty can get the better of us, and though we know it’s a hard-hitting reality, it takes time to set in and usually makes us shaky and unstable.
The trick is to accept uncertainty and live for the moment and it is a task to train ourselves to accept the basic realities of life, good, bad or ugly.
Learning to live with love and longing
While dreams are all happy and gorgeous, it is important that we learn to accept the things that go wrong in our life. Life has its own plan and does not always move according to the way we plan or dream about it.
To avoid being drawn into a pool of depression that can cause severe damage to ourselves, our mental and physical health, we have to accept what comes our way and keep moving on.
With misted eyes, Rene and Vikram said goodbye. Without knowing when they will meet again, and if they ever will, Rene bid farewell with a bleeding heart. She will miss those moments in the initial days of their friendship when she tried a thousand times to tell him those three magical words.
When Rene’s world was falling apart and she was crashing, she found Vikram walk up to her and hold her hand.
He didn’t have to tell her anything, she felt the warmth and surety in his touch. After ages she felt that she no longer had to try to have someone in her otherwise vacant life.
A tale of love and longing
Rene had lost her parents and after that, her family moved all the more away from her. The family detachment didn’t hurt her much and Rene was gradually learning to accept the harder realities of life which came uninvited.
Vikram was her childhood friend but they lost touch as they grew, which again was a normal thing to happen with many around. Vikram came back to her life after decades in a surprising manner through some of her professional friends and reconnected with her. He walked back into her life as a true and genuine friend – nothing more, nothing less.
Love had come tiptoeing without any noise and they both realized that they dreamt of a life together.
She trusted him more than herself and knew that he would always be around, yet letting him go seemed so difficult during these challenging times. A lack of confidence due to a series of unwanted incidents in her life made her feel that they would eventually have to part.
With the new life overseas, the time differences, the work-life balance, and the pandemic overcasting the world, Rene was shaky about the relationship falling apart and was scared to lose someone close to her heart again. She had already lost too many close ones.
Dark nights of self care
Dark nights were Rene’s escape routes where she was split up between a dream world and the tough realities of life. It took long for her to regain her confidence and overcome the depression that had taken the better of her.
She counseled herself, dragged herself out of depression, walked amidst the storm.
Vikram proved her wrong even after going thousands of miles away from her. He ensured that the flickering lamp burning within Rene kept burning, embracing her and keeping her going on with a head held high and a smile on her face, irrespective of the hurdles and negativity she was facing in her daily life.
Vikram proved that the pandemic can be handled positively, taking the time and ensuring that she found solace in her lone moments.
He made her realize the words she used to utter every time they met, “Life is uncertain every day, so live for the moment and cherish your worth. Embrace whatever is happening – good or bad, accept the constant changes happening and move on with love in your heart.”
By Upalparna Dey